Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
