it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
