Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
