I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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