i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
