I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
