My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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