All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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