I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
