its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Send help, water and tortillas.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
