I think scott just propositioned me for sex
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
