Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
