I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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