I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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