I want to walk on stilts...naked
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and she was petting her beer can
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
