I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
