he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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