If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Your dad touched me again.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
