i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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