Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
