Michael Bay diarrhea
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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