You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
