Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
