I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
