Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
