there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
