He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
