dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
no you cant smoke seaweed
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
