oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
