I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
