Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
