i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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