I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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