pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
