If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
