he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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