i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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