mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
