Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
even my farts smell like vagina
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
