Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
