Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
