Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
