He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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