I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
