we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
