hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
