i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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