I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
