im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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