Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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